Messages from Jesus

I've been MIA, I know. No time to catch up though, life has changed and I continue to change. I am currently so unfocused that I've been forming a post in my mind and figure I won't be able to focus until I just go ahead and blog it. I'm thinking I'll be starting a new short series called Messages from Jesus to record the glimpses I catch of him in my life. Just small, everyday things that cheer me up. I need the encouragement. This week's happened on Sunday.

The children's choir was leading worship and one of the songs they sang I recognized from when I was in choir myself. My 6th grade year we did a musical and I had a solo. The song is called Be Not Afraid by Craig Courtney. That year of my life was such a tough one, I felt that the song I sang was mine. Hearing it on Sunday I was moved again because of how much weight and truth is in it. It was sung for me. I was once again reminded by these children's voices that God has called me hiw own. I am precious in his sight.

Isaiah 43:1-2
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

Adventures in Brewster

Now how did a small town loving Wheaton girl end up in New York for the summer? You may be asking. God works miracles. I've been wanting to do this since I was about 12. Here's the journey of each step and how God met each and every need. To begin with, the problem was I didn't know anyone in rural New York. I had an uncle in Brooklyn which was not convenient to be commuting back and forth from. So, one viola lesson a couple months ago I mentioned offhandedly to my teacher I was looking for a place to stay in NY. It just so happened her brother in law lived just 20 minutes north of Brewster!

I was unstoppable. As long as I wasn't living on the streets I could work everything else out. Problem was I still needed some back-up hosts because his house was on the market. A couple months went by and I hadn't really gotten any further. However, the one nailed down location was a mere train ride and 5 minute walk from the public library. That was encouraging. We rolled into June and plans needed to start falling into place. No one wanted to house me for 6 weeks. Then while I was away taking teacher training I get this phone call from my mum who is visiting a relative. Turns out a lady she grew up across the street from has a sister who lives somewhat close to where I need to be! Housing problems conquered! Sort of...

Then there was the problem of getting to NY itself. Going on year two of having no vehicle we were no closer to finding one. Well as mid-June rolled around it so happened that my friends were coming to pay a visit and driving their car. That wouldn't be exceptional except that they were planning on leaving the car and picking up another one from a relative on the second half of their vacation and would we like the old car? Wait....a free car? That hasn't any problems? Yes please! Wow, if that doesn't show how God provides what does? Just when we needed a car most.

Behind the scenes He was working more miracles. Two weeks later I would realize I'd need a bike to bring to NY and it had to be one I could leave there. I went off asking people and not until the day before we left did we get an offer. So, on July 4th, right before we headed out we were picking up my new bike and everything was set. There were still more incredible circumstances that would not have been so incredible but for God. Such as the medical paperwork and physical that needed to be completed for school before I left. Normal doctor appointments should be scheduled about a month ahead. I had a week. Well, providentially there was one spot available that Friday, three days before I left.

Housing, check.
Transportation, check.
Bicycle, check.
Medical paperwork, check

The one thing I did not get by the time I left was the SIM card for my new phone which, well, that's another story. Point is, we often think that God's timing is always late. That may be but he always gets the job done. I'm seeing some humor now in the phone card story but that will have to wait until you read the next post or so.

Hey, look at that! It was my Blogging Anniversary on the 19th! Proudly bringing posts to you since 2013. What an incredible ride it's been. That takes me all the way back to my 5th year at Hogwarts. Lots of memories here. I think I've lost all my readers at least twice now. We're in need of a revival. With this minnie series on my adventures this summer I hope you will continue to check back each Friday as I learn to get back in the habit. The material is here, I'm just lacking motivation. However, if you comment or like or whatever you do to let me know you're reading, I'll feel more obligated. Here's to another year of blogging!

Merry Christmas!

I'm not obligated to write anything today. But I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas!
Frohe Weihnachten!
Feliz Navidad!
Here we come, 2016!
Enjoy some family pictures:

Lights, Writing, Action!

Hey, so it's been a long time. That's a fact. Because I'm on break though, I am hoping to do a short series of written but unpublished drafts that have been collecting over the last couple months and even years. That means they are not necessarily events that are happening. It also means I have probably moved on to different struggles. However, just because my life adventure doesn't totally match up with my posts doesn't mean that someone else can't benefit.

I've come to realize that I really like hearing people's stories. People are amazing. Stupid, yes, but God did an incredible bit of work creating us. The capacity some people have to make it through trials. I've been reading about the Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia and how people struggled for survival. Their fight to live. It amazes me.

But even here at home. It is so helpful for me to hear that other people struggle too. It seems dumb, but it's something we all wonder. 'Why am I the only one with problems?' We think. Listening to others recount tales of woe and eventual triumph is so encouraging. I marvel at how hard it must have been but see also that they made it out alive if not completely whole. This gives me hope that pushing through some things it may seem like we're stumbling through a dark and muddy tunnel, moving less than an inch at a time. The light at the end is blocked out but keep moving one millimeter at a time and it is bound to reveal at least a dot of light.

Reaching the other side is so worth it. I've been on both ends of the tunnel. I don't quite know where I am right now, it changes a lot. One day I'll be running towards the light when it turns out to be just a reflection and then I hang out in the mud for a while.

This is why I write. I think it's important for society as a whole to try to help each other a little more instead of wishing something could be done. Do it while you're young, while the fire is still lit. Don't let it die because people scoff at you. The reason for that is because they are ashamed they have done nothing themselves. This is my little way of fighting back. As a blogging community, I think we can learn from each other. Because people don't change the world by thinking about it. I think it's safe to say everyone dreams of changing the world for the better. Sorry to say, this isn't Disney world because dreams don't come true. Only actions cause results. Therefore, the world can be changed, even if it's one little action at a time.

Be looking for the promised posts. I really will try. Perhaps there will be something for you. I'm always here, always listening, just not as on top of things as I'd like to be. I'll be around so keep watching.

Blogger's Block

Day 66
I feel as if I'm writing one of those survival journals. Like I'm out in the wilderness or on an island and food is running low. I have enough water to last one more week and then I'm gone. Except I'm not in want of anything except hot water. 66 days give or take some since the water heater broke. The latest installment is that we now have the heater, but need someone to replace it with the old one.

I have a new plan. Let's say that my goal is to blog once a year. Okay, well maybe once a month. Really I think I'll aim for every other week but if I say less that way no one expects a post every week and if I am able to make it more frequent, then I get extra credit. With it being my last year in Hogwarts, I've got to make sure I leave behind a legacy. Problem is, I've had Blogger's Block. This isn't so much a lack of ideas but a lack of energy and focus to flesh them out. So I figured combatting this problem was much like writer's block the answer to which is to write garbage until you catch your thought trains and hop on. So that's what this post will be/ (is already if you hadn't noticed); A bunch of nothing on subjects with little depth or insight.

Part of the problem is that I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. I don't finish posts that don't have much content or aren't long enough. Except who decides whether something is long enough? I do! I was just looking back at some of my old posts from way back in 2014. There were some really short ones. As in a paragraph or two. Probably less than 500 words. They weren't immensely interesting at all so I guess it won't kill me to add some others. Perhaps I'll add a label called Junk under which I can put bad posts so they aren't read with equal scrutiny. Speaking of 2014, I have now missed my second blog anniversary! July 19th, 2013. Know what happened on that revolutionary day? I published my first ever post about myself and my cats! I can't believe it has been two years. I wish one could major in blogging. Or get paid for it. Then again maybe if I was forced to write then I wouldn't like it.

My thought is that if I post this, at least I will have accomplished a week's worth and can move on instead of feeling stuck. Like finally deciding to write a thank you already months late. It's not that I haven't wanted to, but nothing seemed worthy and I haven't been able to finish anything. There I've nailed the pin on the head. Is that an expression? What I mean is, I am bored with my writing and that surely means you are too. I'm already bored with this and I've given myself permission to write whatever.

How about school. I haven't said anything about that yet. First week went well. I was prepared and it felt almost as if I'd never left. Of course I had to start things out right on the second week of classes by staying up 'til 1:45 the night before.

Gosh I wish I had WiFi. I wish I had a hot water heater for pities sake!

This will be an interesting year.

Rooftop Internet

I think we'll be giving the announcement that we're going Amish any day now. This will be going on week 6 or maybe 7 without a hot water heater. A new alternative is using the gross and usually cold showers at the pool. We are also still stuck without a car although this week, amusingly, we have three. Many of my friends family's are out of town and offered up their cars for us to use.

One other luxury I do not have is internet. How did this get published? You might ask. I like to call it Rooftop internet. I am outside, in the dark, on the roof, looking like a creeper and sitting in a very specific spot in order to get the neighbor's web waves. Cool huh? It's a relatively new discovery. Only problem is, it only works during the wee hours because I'm not about to go sitting on the roof in broad daylight. The next door neighbors (who's internet I am actually not using) would probably freak. Some pluses to R.I. are being out under the stars, and learning people's night schedules. Bad part is it only gets one bar or two at most so it's not that reliable. Now for today's focus:

Surviving 6th year.....
Without internet!

I have made it through what many call the hardest year of school. Add no internet at home and the hardness level automatically doubles. So much is done on the computer. So many papers, so many videos, so much research. Now being on the other end of it, I would like to share my wealth of knowledge.

When I say no internet, I am not being entirely truthful. That is, no internet at home. If the goal were no access at all, which would never have worked, then I've cheated. But I still feel deserving of extra credit for every typed thing I turned in. My teachers didn't know it, but every assignment requiring printing or researching became a game of where can I get connection the easiest and who has the cheapest printers?

I'm getting ahead of myself though. To begin with, the public library was my only option for typing and printing. Which was fine, except documents don't save, printing is 10¢ per page, there are closing hours, and there are a bunch of weirdos who make it hard to concentrate. Then a month or so in I discovered that with a course I was taking, I had a name and password I could use to access the college library. This was better, more private, open longer into the night, and printing cost a mere 4¢ per page.

Things got even better after that. None of this would be possible without my dear brother who gave me his old tablet, thus doubling my technology. Without internet though, you might say it's useless and at the library why not use the computers? Well, to a certain extent that's true. I still took late night pilgrimages or frantic early trips to the library in order to print forgotten or last minute papers, but emails and class blogs were much easier to get at.

Throughout the year I formed a list of "checkpoints" or spots I could connect to the Internet. There were the two libraries, so even when they were closed I could stand outside in emergency and connect. Then there was the whole campus internet which I randomly had a guess at while I was babysitting and found that it worked. That brought connection to within five minutes of the house and was a huge help as I spent so much time on campus anyway. Finally, my last check point became brother's house and computers which I fell into the rhythm of hogging every Sunday after lunch in order to have a marathon of homework and hopefully finish assignments requiring web access.

I had my school WiFi password but for some reason it didn't work. Although it wouldn't have been useful anyways because everything would have to be completed already. Half way through the year I made the joyful discovery of coming across passwords in the library at the school I work at. That was nice to have a full hour at the mid point of the week while I waited for kids to show up or for my ride home.

Other random places I occasionally connected to were restaurants or stores with guest WiFi. Panera was a frequent on my list. I love to study there. God really showed me he was taking care of me with all the ways I was able to keep up with school. Sure, it took a little creativity, and definitely stress, but who else can say they made it through 6th year without internet? Honestly I think I kept more on top of those assignments than other students with 24/7 access. Yes, I may have spent one winter night outside watching an hour long documentary I forgot to watch. Yes, I definitely typed a whole paper with my thumbs and printed it half an hour before class. And I definitely submitted multiple blog comments at 11:59 p.m., a minute before their deadline.

I am not sure what to expect with 7th year approaching. Hopefully there is less need, but at least I know I can do what must be done. God will provide. In fact, In recent weeks since school let out, internet has traveled as close as possible without entering the house. A kind neighbor down the street got a new internet provider and thus a new password. As she set it up, she happily remembered me and wrote the code down. Now I can get internet at the bottom of my stairs, and on the roof.

So how exactly can you survive 6th year without internet? Well, start with a tech savvy brother who has his own fast computer he let's you take over once a week. Then in pursuit of bigger and better, you might inherit his tablet, and then you simply have to find all the places in town that have free internet connection. I don't know what I would have done without this magical device. My blog posts are only able to continue through it.

Take a moment to be thankful for your 3G, at&t, or whatever provides your home internet. It doesn't seem to be something teachers question in today's society. Thankfully, at Hogwarts, books have not yet been totally replaced and much of my homework is still doable without it.

I am off to bed now, my feet are getting scratched by the shingles and Lily might be trying to come out. Goodnight.

The Sick, Dead, and Dying

This is a post which I have adapted/ added to which I never completed last summer after visiting my Opa. It has some bits which aren't true to timing, but I've chosen to leave them. The original title was Realities...you'll see why.

Reality number one, summer is over.
Reality number two, school is starting.
Reality number three, all good things on earth must come to an end.
Reality number four, this post is late.

The Sick
My house, as you might know from last week, has become a hospital for sick cats. Fred and George decided to get sick within a few days of each other. Now they are both home and steadily recovering. George you might never have known was sick. Differences as a result of this drama include diet changes, and for now at least, a pill. Each cat has successfully claimed their own personal food needs. So now Lily eats with George downstairs, Lily eats the boring dry food and George gets spoiled with a scoop of prescribed dry and a little wet. Meanwhile upstairs Fred is scarfing down chicken. The twins are on the same medication for swollen bowls and they are both due for a follow up appointment sometime in the next week or two. The ordeal has reminded me how much we take health for granted. Life is so temporary. A seemingly healthy cat one day might be dying the next. I'd like to note that the sick stage is hardest for me. I don't like others to be in pain. The uncertainty of of whether it is goodbye or if a cure is possible is something that haunts me.

The Dead
I don't often contemplate death even knowing it could happen at any minute. Lately however, with three Old relatives, one of whom might not be far off, I've had to. I have been to more funerals in my life than weddings. Two of those I supplied the music for. Four of them were for relatives. Causes have been old age ailments, cancer, and suicide. Just this week I attended a service for Elizabeth Elliot, an incredible woman whose husband and his group of friends were killed by a tribe they were bringing the gospel to. Elizabeth and her daughter then lived with that very same tribe for many years afterword. This particular service was good. Many friends, and relatives spoke of their memories. Joni Eareckson Tada was the big speaker which I didn't know until I was there. In general, I don't know what I think about funerals and burials. Perhaps it seems as if too much emphasis is put into holding on to those passed. I mentioned that I handle sickness worse than death, at least I think I do. At funerals, and I am including those for whom I was directly related, I cannot cry. Perhaps I am cold and unfeeling but I can recall sitting in services among other mourners who were weeping their eyes out and I could not summon a tear. Does this make me a horrible person? You could excuse me for being young at the time, but I do not think that children feel things any less strongly than adults. This was all merely an aside, I am not going to linger on the subject.

The Dying
I have been off in the far flung corners of the states, soaking up the last bit of freedom and sunshine. Along with that, I have been visiting with the Old, and with that came the awful realisation that no matter how great you live your life, we will nearly all leave this world as pitiful and clueless as we came into it. Needing help possibly even more. So small, forgetful, and broken. The Old are simply little wisps, hovering around, worrying about what they cannot control and wondering what they are forgetting.

I am reminded of a quote by T.S. Elliot which says,
"Death has a hundred hands and walks by a thousand ways."*

I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it sounds creepy and expresses how death is unavoidable. Another quote goes,
"A man may walk with a lamp at night, and yet drown in a ditch."

No matter if you follow the most regimented workout schedule and eat super healthy. No matter if you work from home and never drive a car. No matter if you spend your entire life holed up in an empty room and have your food delivered to you through a cat door, death will find you. It's like Sleeping Beauty who, threatened with the curse of 100 years of sleep if pricked by a spindle, took precautions to banish every sharp object from the kingdom. Of course, one little slipup is what got her in the end. But who would want to live with that kind of fear and never take risks? It's like that proverb about the fool who says he won't go outside because there might be a lion in the road. Well you might also have a heart attack. Or be bitten by a disease carrying insect. The what-ifs are endless.

I just finished reading a book by Madeleine L'Engle called Summer of The Great-Grandmother. It was very good and I'd recommend it to anyone because at some point almost every person has or will have to deal with an aging parent. It helped me know how to handle my grandma when she asks who I am, or when she points at the tv commercial and says something big is going to happen. Or asks where I live for the 100th time. She can't help it. Doesn't know she's doing anything out of the ordinary. It scares me though, when I can't get myself to laugh it off. Will mother be like that? Will I?

"We have gone on living,
Living and partly living."

Being Old just doesn't seem like there is much life left enough to live. A shriveled shell which is susceptible to viruses, cuts, and diseases. They must be careful whatever they do. Their schedules involve menial tasks which they spend hours on when in reality it should take minutes. When they go places they must hurry not to be late and then hurry home so they can do nothing.

"I am not in danger: only near to death."

I would like to point out that dying isn't something God designed when he created the world. It came as a result of sin. Still, if you know where you're going, it isn't something to fear because glory is on the other side. As Revelation 21:4 puts it,
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Okay, enough on that. I'll end by writing briefly about something we don't usually associate with death: babies. They signify more like new life, right? So a day or so after I got home from the trip, I got a call asking if I could watch a 14 week old baby while the granny was away. This is new...and only a month after being asked about watching an almost newborn! That's the third one this year. Who decided I would be good with babies? I agreed, and have become officially impressed and empathetic for mamas with little babies. I babysat this kid for ten days, 8 and a half hours per day. That felt like a looong time. I think a full time job is something like 40 hours a week. I was doing 42 and a half. But I can't imagine what 24 hours seven days a week would be like. Add on a couple more young children who can crawl and walk? Ahhhhh! I'm pretty sure I am going to be having nightmares about crying babies for at least a week.

I'm going to stop now because, and here's a last quote,
"Human kind cannot bear very much reality."

*all quotes from today's post unless otherwise noted are from Murder in the Cathedral by T.S. Elliot