Second Best

Maybe you can tell that this isn't going to be an upbeat post already. I have been thinking too much lately. Before I dive in, I'll discuss the race as promised. I wasn't as good as I'd hoped. It took me 26 minutes flat, almost two minutes slower than last year. It's at this time that I commit to training harder next year, but of course we know that's not going to happen. Anyhow, it was still fun and there were lots of yummy things to eat at the end, so it was worth it.

I'm also back from Blue Lake which is where this post started formulating. Especially in the competitive world of music, I always seem to be a step behind. I should have felt pretty good about myself at music camp, because compared to them, I'm pretty good. But there was one other girl from my same studio that is very good, and worse than that, we're friends so I can't hate her. At camp I knew all the review songs, sat 2nd chair in orchestra, and was in one of the best quartets. In fact we were asked to play on the honors recital, which we did.

As if that wasn't good enough, I was disappointed not to get to play my solo which is decided based on a 15 minute private lesson the first day. Of course my friend was asked to play instead, and did amazing. So then afterwards when I was following her around, all these people were coming up to her saying how great she played while I stood there invisible to them, as if I didn't even play. I don't blame them, it just got old. It made me realise again that being the top of something takes more than trying hard and being pretty good.

It felt worse that first night. Being back now and having thought it over some, it may be better to be second best, more motivating. There's a music sign that says something like: Is there someone better than you? If yes, then go practise. If not, find someone better than you and keep practising. If there weren't people better than you then there would be no reason to be better. There is always going to be a first and a last.

But let me just say that this is not for the fainthearted. There have been so many times where I was an inch from giving up completely and there will be many more to come. But it's surviving that inch deep hole that makes the difference between the okay and the great. Thousands begin the journey of learning an art, but only a small fraction make it through to the other end. But why throw away years of working toward something you enjoy? Some things are worth doing for yourself even if nothing will ever come of it. Not enjoying the slightest bit but forcing it for other purposes is different, but giving up because you're only "second best" isn't a good reason. That's it, I'm done preaching.

Matthew 20:16
16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.